Introduction to Strengths-Based Marriage
Nowadays, marriage isn’t just about a legal piece of paper. It can also mean a long-term partnership with a significant other (no matter what race or gender) where you choose to spend your lives together as effectively – “a married couple”.This modern approach to relationships values respect, commitment, emotional connection, and mutual growth just as highly as traditional marriages do.
Yet, despite the best intentions, many marriages or long-term partnerships face challenges that can lead to conflict and even separation or divorce. Understanding the root causes of these issues and taking proactive steps can provide a pathway to a more resilient and fulfilling partnership.
Hello everyone, I’m Khanh, and I want to share my insights on how you can strengthen your marriage using the CliftonStrengths approach. I have been married twice. The first one lasted 11 months after 7 years together. The marriage I am happily in now with my hubby Simon has been going strong for 9 and a half years after 3 years together. What I love about my marriage to Simon is that we have worked hard to understand and accept each other wholeheartedly.
There’s a story we heard many moons ago about an old married couple. When someone asked the man what his secret to a happy marriage was, his response was that he never felt he had completed the task of “winning her over”. Our marriage is like that. We work on still impressing each other, whether through our work, social lives, finances, physical health, community involvement, or how we parent.
In this blog, I’ll share insights on how Simon and I strengthened our marriage using the CliftonStrengths approach.
Let’s Strengthsify Your Marriage!
Overcoming Common Marital Challenges with Strengths: Leveraging strengths for a thriving marriage
Many marriages face common challenges, including lack of communication, financial stress, conflict, and loss of intimacy. These issues can create significant strain, but leveraging individual strengths can provide effective solutions.
Lack of Communication: Poor communication often leads to misunderstandings. According to Gallup, 77% of employees are not engaged or actively disengaged at work costing 1.9 trillion in lost productivity. This disengagement can significantly impact personal relationships, as stress, anxiety, and burnout from work often spill over into home life, leading to further breakdowns in communication and connection with partners.
Understanding each other’s strengths can help navigate through these breakdowns and elevate effective communication. We will explore this in detail below.
Financial Stress: Money-related issues can create tension and conflict, especially if partners have different spending habits or financial goals. Couples can use strengths to align their financial goals. For example, a partner with Futuristic strengths can envision long-term financial plans, while one with Responsibility can ensure commitments are met.
Conflict: Unresolved conflicts can fester and lead to resentment. Couples can use their strengths in conflict resolution by identifying who can mediate effectively. A partner with strong Harmony can help find common ground, while one with Activator strengths can encourage proactive problem-solving.
Loss of Intimacy: Emotional and physical intimacy are vital for a healthy marriage. Couples can enhance intimacy by recognizing how their strengths contribute to their relationship. A partner with Positivity can create an uplifting environment, while one with Relator strengths can deepen emotional connections.
By understanding and applying strengths, couples can navigate these challenges more effectively, fostering a resilient and thriving relationship.
Steps to Strengthsify Your Marriage
To harness the power of strengths in your marriage, here are some practical tips for strengths-based marriage:
- Discover Your Strengths: Both partners should take the CliftonStrengths assessment to identify their top strengths. This foundational step promotes self-awareness and mutual understanding.
- Share and Discuss: After taking the assessment, share your results with each other. Discuss what these strengths mean for your relationship and how they can influence your interactions. We have a dedicated playlist on YouTube: What is Strengths, which you can use to learn what each strength means. Each video is around 5 minutes to watch.
3. Set Goals Together: Align your strengths with shared goals. Whether personal, financial, or relational, setting goals together fosters teamwork and commitment.
4. Resolve Conflicts Constructively: Use your strengths during conflicts. For instance, if one partner excels in Empathy, they can facilitate discussions that acknowledge feelings, while a partner with strong Analytical skills can help find logical solutions.
5. Build Intimacy: Leverage strengths to enhance both emotional and physical intimacy. For example, if one partner has a strength in Positivity, they can create a joyful atmosphere, while the other’s Relator strength can deepen emotional bonds.
By actively engaging with each other’s strengths, couples can create a supportive environment that nurtures growth and intimacy.
For more insights on the impact of particular strengths in relationships, you can visit our YouTube channel: Satori Connect, and explore each theme deeply (under 5 minutes!).
Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for more insights on Gallup CliftonStrengths.
How to improve marriage with CliftonStrengths with effective communication
Effective communication is crucial for a successful marriage, yet many couples struggle with misunderstandings, assumptions, and differing styles. Studies show that poor communication is the most common factor in marital breakdowns, as it impacts trust, intimacy, and conflict resolution. By leveraging strengths, partners can better support each other, fostering a more empathetic and constructive dialogue ensuring both parties feel heard and valued.
When partners are aware of their own and each other’s strengths, they can tailor their styles to foster better conversations. For example, a partner with Empathy can respond more compassionately soothing anxieties, while one with strong Communication can articulate concerns clearly, ensuring both parties feel heard and valued.
By recognizing strengths, couples create a safe space for open dialogue, understanding and emotional connection.
In the following sections, we’ll explore how to overcome common marital challenges and strengthen your relationship through the power of strengths.
Real-Life Examples of Strengths in Action
My husband, Simon, and I have used CliftonStrengths to navigate our relationship. Here’s how our strengths play out:
- Communication: My Relator strength allows me to build deep, meaningful relationships and communicate with empathy and understanding. Simon’s Positivity helps keep our conversations upbeat and encouraging, which can defuse tension and foster a positive atmosphere.
- Conflict Resolution: My Adaptability helps me to be flexible and adjust to changing circumstances during conflicts, while Simon’s Strategic strength enables him to develop long-term solutions to avoid future disputes.
- Goal Setting: Simon’s Futuristic strength drives us to envision a bright future together, setting inspiring long-term goals. My Maximizer ensures we strive for excellence in all our joint endeavours, turning potential into reality.
- Building Intimacy: Simon’s Positivity and my Relator strengths combine to create a warm, affectionate environment. Simon’s ideas and optimism can make our time together exciting and enjoyable while my ability to relate deeply enhances our emotional connection. We both love the element of surprise and have a great time planning and trying to outdo each other but at the same time winning the other over.
- Taking Action: My Activator strength ensures that ideas and plans are put into action, while Simon’s Self-Assurance gives him the confidence to support and believe in our shared vision.
Recognizing and Addressing Blind Spots
In any relationship, blind spots can hinder growth and understanding.
Blind spots are areas where one partner may be unaware of how their actions or words impact the other. For instance, a partner with high Self-Assurance may come across as overly confident or dismissive, unintentionally hurting their partner’s feelings.
At the beginning of our relationship – we struggled with this. Simon used to ask me a lot of questions, and due to his confident nature, the way he asked the questions was like a double whammy – it made me feel undermined and dumb. Read more on this “clash of feelings vs facts” here.
Potential Blind Spots in Our Marriage
My Maximizer: My desire for excellence can sometimes lead me to be overly critical of Simon’s efforts, seeking to improve and perfect everything. This can make Simon feel like his contributions are never good enough, causing frustration and resentment.
Simon’s Self-Assurance: Simon’s high level of confidence may come across as arrogance or dismissiveness, especially when he is sure of his perspective. This could make me feel unheard or undervalued, leading to emotional distance.
My Activator: While my Activator strength helps in initiating action, it might lead to impatience if Simon is not ready to act quickly. This can create tension if I feel Simon is holding back progress.
Simon’s Ideation: Simon’s constant generation of new ideas can sometimes overwhelm me, especially if I feel there isn’t enough follow-through on existing plans. This might lead to feelings of instability or lack of direction.
My Adaptability: While my flexibility is a strength, it can sometimes result in a lack of firmness in decisions, which might frustrate Simon who prefers a clear direction and plan for the future.
By recognizing and addressing blind spots, couples can enhance their emotional connection and reduce misunderstandings, leading to a more harmonious relationship.
Conclusion on strengthening your marriage with Cliftonstrengths
Strengthsifying your marriage involves recognizing and leveraging the unique strengths each partner brings to the relationship.
By focusing on effective communication and utilizing CliftonStrengths, couples can address the most common issues that lead to marital breakdowns and build a thriving, resilient partnership.
Create a thriving relationship with your partner by leveraging your inner strengths. Use them to create a marriage that not only survives but flourishes.
Imagine you’re a married couple but:
→ You find yourself not on the same page due to a lack of communication or feel like you can’t fully express yourself without a fight coming on.
So, you make 1 key change that could change everything:
- Join the Strengthsify Your Marriage Program which…
- Decode your CliftonStrengths assessment
- Designs a marriage that plays to your strengths
Your new program instantly does these 4:
- Analyze your CliftonStrengths results
- Identifies and leverages your top strengths
- Provides you with a relationship design framework
- Align your marriage with your innate abilities
You immediately start to receive 4 benefits:
- A proven guide for actionable feedback
- A marriage that feels more harmonious and fulfilling
- A strengths-based framework for effective communication
- Increased satisfaction and mutual support
You see your relationship transform before your eyes:
- Your partnership is more aligned with your strengths
- Your collaborative efforts become more effective
- Your ability to resolve conflicts improves significantly
- Your emotional connection grows stronger
But your big win for the year reads like this:
“We strengthened our marriage by leveraging our strengths, enhancing our bond, and achieving greater harmony.”
How I position you for this success:
- Empower you with a strengths-based relationship design framework
- Train you to leverage your unique abilities in your marriage
- Equip you with a strategy to unify marital goals with strengths
- Guide you step-by-step through every stage
You need a marriage that works with your strengths.
You are aware that your current dynamic doesn’t fully leverage your strengths.
If you want to have a great marriage, you need to lead by example.
The first step is raising self-awareness of who you are as a partner. You are engaged in your relationship because you own your strengths and weaknesses.
You invest in yourselves and take full control of your marriage by understanding your weaknesses and building on your strengths together.
DM me ”MARRIAGE” on our Contact us page or on LinkedIn, if you’re ready to create a more fun, harmonious and fulfilling relationship.
5 FAQs for Strengthsify Your Marriage: Leveraging CliftonStrengths for a Thriving Relationship
1. My marriage is struggling with communication breakdowns. Can CliftonStrengths help?
Absolutely! Poor communication is a major roadblock in many marriages. CliftonStrengths helps you understand your and your partner’s communication styles. You’ll learn how to leverage each other’s strengths for clearer, more empathetic conversations, fostering a more harmonious relationship.
2. We argue constantly! How can CliftonStrengths help us resolve conflicts better?
Conflict is natural, but unresolved conflicts can lead to resentment and distance. CliftonStrengths equips you to identify your conflict resolution strengths. Maybe one of you is great at finding common ground (Harmony), while the other excels at finding practical solutions (Strategic). By understanding these strengths, you can approach conflicts constructively and collaboratively.
3. We’ve lost the spark in our relationship. Can CliftonStrengths help us reconnect?
Definitely! CliftonStrengths sheds light on strengths that contribute to intimacy. One partner might be a natural positivity booster (Positivity) while the other fosters deeper connections (Relator). By utilizing these strengths, you can create a warm, loving environment and reignite the spark in your marriage.
4. I’m worried about revealing my weaknesses. Will CliftonStrengths expose them?
While CliftonStrengths identifies your top strengths, it doesn’t focus on weaknesses. It does highlight “blind spots” – areas where you may be unaware of how your actions or words impact your partner. This self-awareness is crucial for growth and understanding, leading to a stronger connection.
5. How do I get started with Strengthsifying My Marriage?
The first step is to take the CliftonStrengths assessment, individually. Then, join our Strengthsify Your Marriage Program! We’ll analyze your results, design a marriage plan that plays to your strengths, and equip you with tools for effective communication and conflict resolution. You can finally create a marriage that thrives, not just survives!
PS We have a previous blog on Strengthsify Your Career. We have some valuable tips on how to strengthen your career effortlessly with Cliftonstrengths. Learn more about Kintsugi Leadership and transform your workplace.
